A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing
by water4willows
Summary: Justin Wilson was not his real name. His real name was Chas Chandler and and he wasn't there to ruin their lives or to try and get his little girl back. He was just there to make sure the two men who were going to adopt her were up for the job. They were.


_a/n: Many thanks, as always, to the wonderful LadyRiesling for the beta._

* * *

 **A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing**

The cab's door opens with an unhealthy screech and Chas reminds himself to grease the hinges tonight when they get home. John sits in the driver seat, chain smoking and filling the interior of the cab with his cigarette's rancid smoke. He cranks down the window with a roll of his eyes as Chas slides in and shoots him an admonishing look.

"Not like these things are gonna kill either of us, mate," John quips, flicking the butt of his cigarette out the window before rolling it back up again. The San Antonio heat is brutal and leeches their cool air out the window like a sieve. Chas doesn't say anything, just stares out the windshield at the hospital looming over them.

"So… how'd it go?" Chas shrugs in reply, but there's no way Constantine is going to let this one lie. "Did you get to see her again?"

"Not this time," Chas finally speaks, clearing his throat a little when the words get caught. He can't blame them for not letting him in to see Brianna today. What he's just done… it's probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his entire life, and he's still not entirely convinced that it was the right thing to do. What he said to those men… who they think he is…. Well, it had to be done, but it still means he's likely never going to see his little girl ever again.

"Your story hold up?" John asks, about to light another cigarette, but apparently he thinks better of it.

Chas rubs the palms of his hands across his jeans. They're still so sweaty. "Yeah. Your guy really came through. The social worker dug up the goods, just like we thought she would."

 _And now thinks I'm a terrible human being_ , he thinks to himself, but doesn't dare say that out loud.

"So they get to adopt her, then," John says, the weight of his comment making the smoke-filled air in the cab feel even thicker. "And the couple? They pass inspection?"

Chas thinks back on the several brief conversations he's had with Drew and Rick, the gay couple who are about to adopt his daughter, the daughter he's just found out he has. The little girl with the soulful eyes and the lungs that don't work the way they should. The kid who has her mother's face… "Yeah, they'll do."

And It's not a lie, either. Drew and his partner Rick obviously adore Brianna and it's now painfully apparent that they will fight to the death to keep her happy, protected, healthy… all the things Chas can't possibly give her right now. This couldn't have turned out any better, yet he feels as though he's being torn apart. "Can we just go?"

Constantine reaches for the shifter on the steering wheel then pauses, shifting in his seat so he's facing Chas. The haze of cigarette smoke still lingers in the cab. "You sure you really want to do this, mate? She's your blood…"

Chas thinks about clamming up, about just telling Constantine to mind his own damn business and get him the hell out of there, but he finds himself answering instead.

"She's better off with them. You should have seen it, John. They were ready to put me in the ground after they found the paper trail your guy set up. They reacted the same way I would have. One of them is a doctor and the other one's a cop. She'll have a future with them. I already dragged one poor kid into the supernatural mess that is my life. I won't do it to that little girl, too."

John mulls this over for a moment, chewing on the unlit cigarette he never put back in the pack while he thinks, his long face drawn into a frown. "I could keep her safe…"

But Chas is already shaking his head. "She just had a lung transplant. She nearly died. Imagine having to deal with my line of work on top of all that. It'd kill her."

"But won't giving her up kill _you_?" Constantine asks quietly, in a rare moment of softness, as he if doesn't quite understand how Chas can put himself through this misery.

"I'll be fine, no thanks to you," John waves him off with a snort, the moment broken. "She's got a chance at a good, decent life. Drew and Rick can give her that. I can't."

"You're one lucky SOB, you know that, mate? I half expected them to murder you right there in the parking lot the other day." Constantine laughs but Chas cringes. He could care less that Drew and Rick are gay, but he'd brought it up the other day to see how each of them would react to being provoked. Drew probably would have thrown down with him right then and there in the parking lot had he pushed any harder, but Rick had stopped him. They complemented each other, and were obviously very much in love. And that love extended to Brianna.

"I wanted to push their buttons," he answers after a moment's thought, remembering the terrible things he'd said to those two men. "Had to figure out what kind of stuff they were made of."

"And? Are you satisfied?"

Chas doesn't hesitate. "I'm satisfied."

"I'll never understand you, Chas," John says with a disappointed shake of his head. "Why'd you have to go and make them think you're some kind of deadbeat? You could have at least asked for visitation, stayed in her life somehow!"

Chas lets out a heavy sigh, pushing one of John's discarded cigarette butts across the floor mat with the toe of his boot. These are all the arguments he's been having with himself over the past few days as he formulated his plan. He wants Brianna in his life, more than anything, but the fact of the matter is, his life is a mess right now. The supernatural haunts him and as long as he's friends with John Constantine, it's always going to be that way. He can't bring another child into this madness, and he certainly can't walk away from it all. And then, what's to stop her from getting drawn into all this when she's older and has more to lose? No, he won't do that to her, not when she has this chance at a normal life with the doctor and the cop. He won't do it.

"I can't," he says out loud, a little more forcefully than he intends. "I wanted to make sure they were the right couple for the job and I did that. That's all this trip was about, and I don't care what they think of me now. She's going to have an amazing life with those two. I won't screw that up for her."

John is still shaking his head, a disbelieving look plastered on his face. "You pretty much just made it impossible to ever see her again."

Chas shrugs. "What else was I supposed to do? She's better off never wanting to see me again." He looks down to his hands. "And she'll be safer, too." It's a shaky argument at best in John's eyes, but Chas doesn't care. He's done with all this and ready to put San Antonio in his rearview mirror. He needs to be home, amongst familiar things, where he can grieve properly for what he's just lost.

"Please, just.. let's go home."

There's a hole forming in the center of his heart. He can feel it slowly growing, sense its emptiness there in his chest. Brianna is going to be a well-loved, happy little girl, but Chas is never going to be able to forget her lovely face or that wonderful sunny Saturday afternoon they'd spent together in her hospital room and when he'd seen what a great kid she really was. He nearly had walked off with her right then and there, but then Constantine came back to their hotel room that night covered in blood and his mind had been made in an instant. He will give her the life she deserves. And as San Antonio memorial disappears behind them, Chas knows he's doing just that.


End file.
